 "Creating a meaningful life has less to do with how we feel about our past than what we do about our future."
~ Bill Crawford This quote came to me after giving some thought to the dilemma faced by many ... i.e., the tendency to feel bad (or shame) about the past, while at the same time trying to create a meaningful life in the present and future. What most discover is that while common, these feelings about the past are incongruent with the clarity, confidence, and creativity so necessary to creating a meaningful experience of life now. The challenge of course, is that for many of us, the tendency to feel shame has been drilled into our psyche as "THE WAY" to atone, and/or right some perceived wrong since we were very young, and thus is now a habitual belief/perspective that seems to be automatic.
Of course, those of you familiar with my "Life from the Top of the Mind" philosophy know that the reason for this conflict is that our shame and fear come from a different part of the brain than our clarity, confidence, and creativity. Thus, when we are feeling one, we don't have access to the other. This, interestingly enough, is also what happens "time wise," meaning that when we feel shame, because we are so focused on our past we don't have access to, or sufficient awareness of, what is happening in the present. Thus, we are not able to influence who we are or how we are responding to the world around us. Unfortunately, this often results in more problems which triggers new shame, and a cycle of failure and unworthiness is created and exacerbated. The solution, in my humble opinion, is three-fold. First, we must realize that taking an action or decision from our past out of context is rarely helpful or even accurate. There were events and teachings that lead up to that experience, some going back to when we were children. Rarely were we able to influence those teachings, and thus our sense of our own worth and our ability to act in our own best interest were colored by what we had been taught about ourselves and the world. Secondly, we are not the same people we were then. We are now more aware and able to look back and determine which teachings we want to carry forward and which we want to leave behind. We can rely now on our sense of purpose and what we would teach/recommend to our children and/or someone we love. Or, put more simply, we don't need to fear the past to avoid repeatedly making those same decisions. Third and most importantly, however, is how this shame/fear affects our ability to create a more purposeful and meaningful life, now and in the future. In other words, if our goal is truly to come into this moment (and all future moments) fully engaged and with complete access to our clarity, confidence, and creativity ... fully in touch with our ability to engage others in such a way that brings out their best ... and fully aware of the statement we want to make about who we are so that, if our children were watching and learning (as they always are) we would be proud to have them emulate our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors ... then shame, fear, and feelings of unworthiness cannot be our state of being. Instead, we need to have clarity of our worth, confidence in our ability to bring our best to life, and access to the creativity necessary to respond to a variety of people and situations in very purposeful ways. We need to have access to the part of the brain that allows us to influence the eternal "now" in ways that result in a sense of peace and meaning, and a loving connection to all of life. We need to understand that the best way to deal with the past is to allow it to remain in this previous temporal framework, and know that our highest purpose now is all about what we do in the present and future. Here's to a life of choosing between the pain/shame of the past and the love of the present, between feelings of unworthiness and the value of bringing joy to life, between the brainstem and the neocortex, and ultimately, between love and fear as the guiding energies of our lives. Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill If you would like for Dr. Crawford to create a presentation around this quote, feel free to contact him at 1-888-530-8550 or Email Dr. Bill. Bill Crawford, Ph.D. Local Phone: (832) 722-6147 |
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