Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Centered
"When deciding what to do next, we can always ask: Does this thought, emotion, or behavior bring me closer to or take me further away from my center?"
One of the themes that I have found helpful in creating a purposeful life is the realization that we can't always control our first thought or emotion. We can, however, become aware of whether this emotion or thought serves us, and then decide whether to use it as a guide for what to do next. In order to support us in this process, I have adapted a thought from psychologist, Stephen Gilligan, that speaks to using our "center" as a point of reference in making this more purposeful choice.
Actually, Dr. Gilligan speaks to two questions that I believe can serve us when our goal is a heightened degree of awareness and a clearer sense of purpose. The first is, "To whom or what or where do we give our attention?" (Possibilities include another person, a thought, memory, or one's center.) I really like this question because it allows us to make a conscious thought about how we focus our awareness, or to what do we "pay attention." Of course, when we "pay" for anything, we have deemed it valuable and, thus, if we follow this suggestion, chances are we may find ourselves paying attention only to those aspects of life we have consciously decided have value. This may result in our paying less attention to the need to control others, our fears, worries, frustrations, or any thought or emotion that takes us further from our center. Not a bad result, don't you think?
After we have answered the first question and decided that being "centered," is what we want, we can then use this feeling as a guide. Or, as Dr. Gilligan puts it, "The second question, once we have identified who and how we want to be (centered), is to just continue noticing how we are experiencing/responding to each moment, holding in mind the background question... does that bring me closer to or further from resonance with my center? The idea is that when we move away from our center, our thinking and acting becomes less integrated and probably less helpful, whereas being deeply centered allows integrated, helpful responding."
This idea of being "centered" is for most of us a valuable concept, and a place from where we would like to come more frequently, especially when life is challenging and/or chaotic. In fact, I'm going to suggest that it is in these times of stress and conflict that our attention is most likely to move from our center to other less helpful aspects of life, such as other people and other emotions. Here we might take a lesson from those who practice martial arts and understand that when one is "off center," one is actually more vulnerable to the attacks of others, and even to being attacked from within by our own less than helpful thoughts and/or emotions.
Therefore, in situations of worry, stress and conflict, rather than asking who or what "made me" feel this way, or do I have a right to feel angry, resentful, frightened, and/or upset, I suggest that we ask a more purposeful question. . . "Does this thought, emotion, or behavior bring me closer to, or take me further away from my center?" The answer may help us begin to become skilled at only "paying attention" to those aspects of life that are truly valuable.
Actually, Dr. Gilligan speaks to two questions that I believe can serve us when our goal is a heightened degree of awareness and a clearer sense of purpose. The first is, "To whom or what or where do we give our attention?" (Possibilities include another person, a thought, memory, or one's center.) I really like this question because it allows us to make a conscious thought about how we focus our awareness, or to what do we "pay attention." Of course, when we "pay" for anything, we have deemed it valuable and, thus, if we follow this suggestion, chances are we may find ourselves paying attention only to those aspects of life we have consciously decided have value. This may result in our paying less attention to the need to control others, our fears, worries, frustrations, or any thought or emotion that takes us further from our center. Not a bad result, don't you think?
After we have answered the first question and decided that being "centered," is what we want, we can then use this feeling as a guide. Or, as Dr. Gilligan puts it, "The second question, once we have identified who and how we want to be (centered), is to just continue noticing how we are experiencing/responding to each moment, holding in mind the background question... does that bring me closer to or further from resonance with my center? The idea is that when we move away from our center, our thinking and acting becomes less integrated and probably less helpful, whereas being deeply centered allows integrated, helpful responding."
This idea of being "centered" is for most of us a valuable concept, and a place from where we would like to come more frequently, especially when life is challenging and/or chaotic. In fact, I'm going to suggest that it is in these times of stress and conflict that our attention is most likely to move from our center to other less helpful aspects of life, such as other people and other emotions. Here we might take a lesson from those who practice martial arts and understand that when one is "off center," one is actually more vulnerable to the attacks of others, and even to being attacked from within by our own less than helpful thoughts and/or emotions.
Therefore, in situations of worry, stress and conflict, rather than asking who or what "made me" feel this way, or do I have a right to feel angry, resentful, frightened, and/or upset, I suggest that we ask a more purposeful question. . . "Does this thought, emotion, or behavior bring me closer to, or take me further away from my center?" The answer may help us begin to become skilled at only "paying attention" to those aspects of life that are truly valuable.
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill