Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Criticism
"Criticism can be effective when there is something that must be destroyed or dissolved, but it is capable only of harm when there is something to be built."
I have adapted this quote from Carl Jung for this week's offering because it seems to do a very nice job of speaking to the function of criticism in our world. Not so much whether it is right or wrong, but more around when it is effective and when it isn't. In fact, I would imagine that almost all of us want to be more effective in our own lives and in our interactions with others, and therefore, I suggest we look at this statement to see if it might contain good information as to how we might want to become more purposeful in our use of criticism as a tool for influence and/or change.
For example, it's probably fair to say that all of us have been critical of ourselves or others at some time in our lives. We might criticize ourselves for making some mistake or for failing to live up to some personal standard or ideal. We criticize our government for making decisions and/or enacting policies with which we don't agree. We criticize our children for their disobedience or mistakes. We even criticize strangers for their behavior, choice of clothing, language, religion, or anything else with which we disapprove.
Of course, as you know, if you have been following these quotes and comments for any length of time, it is never my goal to "criticize" or sit in judgment of your choices. However, I wonder (given Dr. Jung's quote) whether we are truly using the concept of criticism in the most effective way? For example, Dr. Jung says that criticism can be an effective form of communication when there is something that must be destroyed, or dissolved. Obviously such concepts as slavery, child abuse, discrimination, and genocide fall into this category, and almost all of us agree that these should indeed be destroyed, dissolved, irradiated, etc. Therefore, to stand up and criticize problems such as these seems very much to be the right thing to do.
However, I wonder if, in addition to this effective use of the concept, we may also be using criticism when our goal is less to destroy and more to inspire and/or help create more productive thoughts or behaviors in ourselves or others? For example, when we are trying to help our children learn a life lesson around compassion, organization, or working and playing well with others... is our goal to destroy or to build? When we are giving feedback to those we supervise at work, what are we really going for, just reducing their bad behavior or helping them build/create a more effective way of accomplishing a task? When we are criticizing ourselves for some "mis-take" (or action that we took that missed) is our goal to just avoid that behavior or to build on the experience and use it as good information for what we want to create in the future?
Further, have you noticed the effect of using criticism when our goal is to build or improve? For example, when we criticize ourselves, the result is often a feeling of inadequacy or a diminished sense of self confidence. When we criticize others, they often respond by defending the very behavior we want them to change!
This is where I believe Dr. Jung's quote on the most effective use of criticism can be wonderfully informative to those of us who want to become more influential in our lives and in the lives of others. If there is indeed something that needs to be destroyed, then it is very likely that criticism is exactly what is called for. However if our goal is to create or build something . . . a responsible, successful child, an effective supervisee, a quality relationship with members of our family, our own self-esteem and self-confidence, then criticism may not be the tool for which we should reach.
Therefore, I suggest that we make sure of our goal before we begin anything. Are we looking to construct or destroy? Do we reach for the sledge hammer of criticism or the blue print of what we want to build? It is my belief that when we choose from these options in the most purposeful way, our potential for success goes up exponentially. Here's to our use of the right tools for the right job.
For example, it's probably fair to say that all of us have been critical of ourselves or others at some time in our lives. We might criticize ourselves for making some mistake or for failing to live up to some personal standard or ideal. We criticize our government for making decisions and/or enacting policies with which we don't agree. We criticize our children for their disobedience or mistakes. We even criticize strangers for their behavior, choice of clothing, language, religion, or anything else with which we disapprove.
Of course, as you know, if you have been following these quotes and comments for any length of time, it is never my goal to "criticize" or sit in judgment of your choices. However, I wonder (given Dr. Jung's quote) whether we are truly using the concept of criticism in the most effective way? For example, Dr. Jung says that criticism can be an effective form of communication when there is something that must be destroyed, or dissolved. Obviously such concepts as slavery, child abuse, discrimination, and genocide fall into this category, and almost all of us agree that these should indeed be destroyed, dissolved, irradiated, etc. Therefore, to stand up and criticize problems such as these seems very much to be the right thing to do.
However, I wonder if, in addition to this effective use of the concept, we may also be using criticism when our goal is less to destroy and more to inspire and/or help create more productive thoughts or behaviors in ourselves or others? For example, when we are trying to help our children learn a life lesson around compassion, organization, or working and playing well with others... is our goal to destroy or to build? When we are giving feedback to those we supervise at work, what are we really going for, just reducing their bad behavior or helping them build/create a more effective way of accomplishing a task? When we are criticizing ourselves for some "mis-take" (or action that we took that missed) is our goal to just avoid that behavior or to build on the experience and use it as good information for what we want to create in the future?
Further, have you noticed the effect of using criticism when our goal is to build or improve? For example, when we criticize ourselves, the result is often a feeling of inadequacy or a diminished sense of self confidence. When we criticize others, they often respond by defending the very behavior we want them to change!
This is where I believe Dr. Jung's quote on the most effective use of criticism can be wonderfully informative to those of us who want to become more influential in our lives and in the lives of others. If there is indeed something that needs to be destroyed, then it is very likely that criticism is exactly what is called for. However if our goal is to create or build something . . . a responsible, successful child, an effective supervisee, a quality relationship with members of our family, our own self-esteem and self-confidence, then criticism may not be the tool for which we should reach.
Therefore, I suggest that we make sure of our goal before we begin anything. Are we looking to construct or destroy? Do we reach for the sledge hammer of criticism or the blue print of what we want to build? It is my belief that when we choose from these options in the most purposeful way, our potential for success goes up exponentially. Here's to our use of the right tools for the right job.
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill