Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Failure
"What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?"
One of the concepts that I find valuable in our quest to create a more purposeful life is the value of questions. While I love the way that statements (in the form of quotes or mini-philosophies) can spur us to make purposeful choices around who we are and what we do, I especially like the way a well-phrased question can also spur this type of purposeful introspection. That's why this week's "quote" is a question.
The concept behind this question is that we may be consciously or unconsciously making choices about what we are willing to try based upon our fear of failure. This, of course, is understandable given that many of us have a well-honed dread of "failing." However, I suggest that we examine this fear to see if it is really serving us.
First, it's important to understand where this fear of failure came from. Suffice it to say that we weren't born with it, meaning that no baby lays in his or her bassinet and chooses not to attempt something based upon a fear of what will happen if he or she fails. In fact, generally it's just the opposite. With the exception of the fear of falling and loud noises, babies and small children are relatively fearless. One example that I refer to In my first book, "All Stressed Up & Nowhere To Go," is the experience of a child learning to walk.
I think it's fair to say that rather than being afraid of failing, children at this stage of development are instead very clear about their purpose. Often, when you watch them pull themselves to an upright position and take their first step, you can see in their eyes how they're marveling at what they've accomplished. Then, because they have yet to master the art of balance, they generally fall down. However, because they are so focused on their purpose, they don't see this as their failure. That is, they don't lay there and think, "I'm so embarrassed. People are looking at me. I'm a failure at walking. I guess I will just worm around on the floor for the rest of my life. Oh, poor, pitiful me." No, because they are focused on their purpose (what they want versus what's wrong with them, or what they are afraid of,) they are able to see their "mistakes" as good information, and even look forward to trying again, which they will generally do very quickly.
They might even be thinking, "Great! Now I know that when I take a step and lean too far in that direction, I fall over! Good information!" Whatever they're thinking, however, they generally pull themselves up again and, knowing that leaning in one direction doesn't work, they might lean the other way, which of course has them falling again, this time in another direction. However, have you noticed that just as they aren't consulting their fear of failure as to whether to attempt this precarious feat, even when they do fall, they don't lay there and blame the environment. They don't think, "It's this floor! That's why I can't walk. Who's in charge of this floor? It's their fault!" No. Again, because they are so focused on what they want to learn and are caught up in their love of learning, they see their "failures" as valuable information versus how they are failing and/or how the world is making them fail.
In addition, they seem to accept the fact that this learning is a process, and that it will take some time. Moreover, they are courageously and continuously attempting to influence this process, as time and time again, they pull themselves up, try to walk, and fall down. Eventually, however, due to their desire to walk, love of learning, and willingness to take 100% responsibility for their progress, they will learn to walk. Pretty impressive, don't you think?
Given that almost all of us have learned to walk as a child, this means that almost all of us have experienced this very powerful lesson in purpose and persistence. Unfortunately, somewhere between this time in our past and the present, many of us have also learned to make our decisions around what we are willing to attempt based less upon purpose, and more around our fear of failure. Now, I'm not saying that this decision-making process is of no value, certainly we must make purposeful choices based upon the knowledge that as we choose to do one thing, we are choosing not to do many others. What I am recommending, however, is that we not use our fear of failure as a criteria for what we are willing to attempt.
That's why I love this week's quote/question: "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" I believe that once we remove the fear of failure from our decision-making process (by asking ourselves this question), we can then go on to decide based upon more purposeful criteria such as: "Is this something that is congruent with my highest purpose? Would my life be well spent in the pursuit of/learning of this goal? Would this experience nourish my soul? Would I recommend this decision to someone I loved?" When we ask questions such as these, then regardless of whether we succeed immediately or spend our life in the quest of the goal, we truly cannot fail.
The concept behind this question is that we may be consciously or unconsciously making choices about what we are willing to try based upon our fear of failure. This, of course, is understandable given that many of us have a well-honed dread of "failing." However, I suggest that we examine this fear to see if it is really serving us.
First, it's important to understand where this fear of failure came from. Suffice it to say that we weren't born with it, meaning that no baby lays in his or her bassinet and chooses not to attempt something based upon a fear of what will happen if he or she fails. In fact, generally it's just the opposite. With the exception of the fear of falling and loud noises, babies and small children are relatively fearless. One example that I refer to In my first book, "All Stressed Up & Nowhere To Go," is the experience of a child learning to walk.
I think it's fair to say that rather than being afraid of failing, children at this stage of development are instead very clear about their purpose. Often, when you watch them pull themselves to an upright position and take their first step, you can see in their eyes how they're marveling at what they've accomplished. Then, because they have yet to master the art of balance, they generally fall down. However, because they are so focused on their purpose, they don't see this as their failure. That is, they don't lay there and think, "I'm so embarrassed. People are looking at me. I'm a failure at walking. I guess I will just worm around on the floor for the rest of my life. Oh, poor, pitiful me." No, because they are focused on their purpose (what they want versus what's wrong with them, or what they are afraid of,) they are able to see their "mistakes" as good information, and even look forward to trying again, which they will generally do very quickly.
They might even be thinking, "Great! Now I know that when I take a step and lean too far in that direction, I fall over! Good information!" Whatever they're thinking, however, they generally pull themselves up again and, knowing that leaning in one direction doesn't work, they might lean the other way, which of course has them falling again, this time in another direction. However, have you noticed that just as they aren't consulting their fear of failure as to whether to attempt this precarious feat, even when they do fall, they don't lay there and blame the environment. They don't think, "It's this floor! That's why I can't walk. Who's in charge of this floor? It's their fault!" No. Again, because they are so focused on what they want to learn and are caught up in their love of learning, they see their "failures" as valuable information versus how they are failing and/or how the world is making them fail.
In addition, they seem to accept the fact that this learning is a process, and that it will take some time. Moreover, they are courageously and continuously attempting to influence this process, as time and time again, they pull themselves up, try to walk, and fall down. Eventually, however, due to their desire to walk, love of learning, and willingness to take 100% responsibility for their progress, they will learn to walk. Pretty impressive, don't you think?
Given that almost all of us have learned to walk as a child, this means that almost all of us have experienced this very powerful lesson in purpose and persistence. Unfortunately, somewhere between this time in our past and the present, many of us have also learned to make our decisions around what we are willing to attempt based less upon purpose, and more around our fear of failure. Now, I'm not saying that this decision-making process is of no value, certainly we must make purposeful choices based upon the knowledge that as we choose to do one thing, we are choosing not to do many others. What I am recommending, however, is that we not use our fear of failure as a criteria for what we are willing to attempt.
That's why I love this week's quote/question: "What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?" I believe that once we remove the fear of failure from our decision-making process (by asking ourselves this question), we can then go on to decide based upon more purposeful criteria such as: "Is this something that is congruent with my highest purpose? Would my life be well spent in the pursuit of/learning of this goal? Would this experience nourish my soul? Would I recommend this decision to someone I loved?" When we ask questions such as these, then regardless of whether we succeed immediately or spend our life in the quest of the goal, we truly cannot fail.
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill