Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Fate
"What is not brought to consciousness, comes to us as fate."
Those of you who have attended my presentations may have noticed that I am a big fan of the thoughts and theories of Carl Jung. Back in the days where most people believed that mental illness was the result of demon possession, and Sigmond Freud was explaining our neuroses in terms of a psycho-sexual drive of some sort, Carl Jung was looking at who we are, and what creates our emotions and behaviors in a way that focused more on our "psycho-social" drives. Like Freud, however, he did believe the more we are able to bring the unconscious to light, or become more aware in general, the happier we would be, and this is why I believe that this week's quote can be very helpful to those of us who are wanting to live more purposeful, meaningful lives.
In order to understand the meaning of this week's quote, we must first understand how we think and talk about fate. In other words, most people describe those experiences that are brought to them by fate as predestined, unavoidable, and/or outside of their control, and, of course, there are probably some experiences that truly fit this description. However, what if many, if not most of the situations we experience as fate actually reflect a lack of consciousness or awareness on our part? And further, what if our becoming more conscious or more aware might help us become more powerful and/or influential in our lives in general?
For example, let's say that we are having trouble getting along with members of our family. Certainly it would be easy to say that this must be fate because we didn't choose to bring these people into our lives, right? Well, it is certainly true that as children we were not able to choose who we lived with and/or to which family we belonged, but is this really true for us as adults? Don't we now have a choice as to whom we bestow the title of "family?"
There is a great quote on this subject by Richard Bach which I have recently featured in this column that says: "The bond that links one's true family is not necessarily one of blood but of respect and joy in each other's life." What if we raised our level of awareness/consciousness to the point where we understood that we now have the ability (and maybe the responsibility) to choose who we call family? Then, if we found ourselves spending time with people who are not about respect and joy, we could choose whether to continue to bring them into our homes and hearts.
We could also then choose who WE wanted to be in relation to our relations! Rather than blame our emotions and reactions on others or "fate" (i.e. the fact that we are stuck with these people) we can become more aware, conscious, and purposeful in who we are and how we respond to others which will of course affect the way they respond back to us. This doesn't mean that they will automatically start being "nice." In fact, they may get worse, but regardless, we will now be aware that we have a choice in terms of how and with whom we spend our time.
There are many other examples of how we ascribe our experiences to fate, however rather than continue to describe the problem, I suggest we create a solution. In other words, I suggest that we examine those aspects of our lives we have attributed to fate and ask ourselves some very purposeful questions such as:
1. Is this really fate or a pattern in my family or in my life?
2. Is attributing this experience to fate serving me?
3. Is this a belief I would recommend to someone I loved?
You see how we interpret or give meaning to the events in our lives is always a result of our beliefs. This is why one person can experience a setback and say something like: "See, I told you nothing good ever happens to me" (fate). While another might say: "That's strange, I wonder what I'm missing here?" (awareness).
For those of us who want to create a more meaningful life, I suggest we resist the temptation to ascribe events to fate and instead seek to raise our awareness of the beliefs/choices that influenced their creation. Then we can decide whether to continue looking at ourselves and the world in this way, or alter our perception in a way that we would recommend to others.
Bottom line, if we want to have more influence in the quality of our lives, we must stop blaming fate and be willing to see what comes our way as good information. Then, we can take this new awareness (this new information) and make choices about what we want to do from this point on. In this way our becoming more aware, or raising our consciousness about our role in the process, actually allows us to not only have more influence in our experience of life but also take control of our fate. The only question is whether we are willing to accept this much responsibility, or whether we prefer to continue to let life just happen to us? Of course, as always I encourage you to answer this question "on purpose."
In order to understand the meaning of this week's quote, we must first understand how we think and talk about fate. In other words, most people describe those experiences that are brought to them by fate as predestined, unavoidable, and/or outside of their control, and, of course, there are probably some experiences that truly fit this description. However, what if many, if not most of the situations we experience as fate actually reflect a lack of consciousness or awareness on our part? And further, what if our becoming more conscious or more aware might help us become more powerful and/or influential in our lives in general?
For example, let's say that we are having trouble getting along with members of our family. Certainly it would be easy to say that this must be fate because we didn't choose to bring these people into our lives, right? Well, it is certainly true that as children we were not able to choose who we lived with and/or to which family we belonged, but is this really true for us as adults? Don't we now have a choice as to whom we bestow the title of "family?"
There is a great quote on this subject by Richard Bach which I have recently featured in this column that says: "The bond that links one's true family is not necessarily one of blood but of respect and joy in each other's life." What if we raised our level of awareness/consciousness to the point where we understood that we now have the ability (and maybe the responsibility) to choose who we call family? Then, if we found ourselves spending time with people who are not about respect and joy, we could choose whether to continue to bring them into our homes and hearts.
We could also then choose who WE wanted to be in relation to our relations! Rather than blame our emotions and reactions on others or "fate" (i.e. the fact that we are stuck with these people) we can become more aware, conscious, and purposeful in who we are and how we respond to others which will of course affect the way they respond back to us. This doesn't mean that they will automatically start being "nice." In fact, they may get worse, but regardless, we will now be aware that we have a choice in terms of how and with whom we spend our time.
There are many other examples of how we ascribe our experiences to fate, however rather than continue to describe the problem, I suggest we create a solution. In other words, I suggest that we examine those aspects of our lives we have attributed to fate and ask ourselves some very purposeful questions such as:
1. Is this really fate or a pattern in my family or in my life?
2. Is attributing this experience to fate serving me?
3. Is this a belief I would recommend to someone I loved?
You see how we interpret or give meaning to the events in our lives is always a result of our beliefs. This is why one person can experience a setback and say something like: "See, I told you nothing good ever happens to me" (fate). While another might say: "That's strange, I wonder what I'm missing here?" (awareness).
For those of us who want to create a more meaningful life, I suggest we resist the temptation to ascribe events to fate and instead seek to raise our awareness of the beliefs/choices that influenced their creation. Then we can decide whether to continue looking at ourselves and the world in this way, or alter our perception in a way that we would recommend to others.
Bottom line, if we want to have more influence in the quality of our lives, we must stop blaming fate and be willing to see what comes our way as good information. Then, we can take this new awareness (this new information) and make choices about what we want to do from this point on. In this way our becoming more aware, or raising our consciousness about our role in the process, actually allows us to not only have more influence in our experience of life but also take control of our fate. The only question is whether we are willing to accept this much responsibility, or whether we prefer to continue to let life just happen to us? Of course, as always I encourage you to answer this question "on purpose."
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill