Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Fear #2
"Fear is that little darkroom where negatives are developed."
This is a quote I have been wanting to include in my weekly newsletter for quite some time. When I first saw it, I knew it had the potential to be a "favorite" because of its simple yet profound message, i.e., when we can see fear for what it is (a place that develops negative thoughts and images), then we can choose it/use it for its intended purpose, to engage the fight or flight part of our brain in a way that doesn't require thinking. In other words, when we are in danger of being physically hurt, and we need to react WITHOUT THINKING, then fear and the accompanying chemical changes in our body are exactly what is called for.
The problem that I see is that people are trying to use fear to keep themselves safe when (a) the situation that they are fearful of doesn't pose a threat of physical harm, (b) it is a situation that requires that we actually think things through in order to be successful, and/or (c) the situation that they are fearful of isn't happening. In these cases, what we need is awareness, not fear (more on this later).
However, as this week's quote suggests, many of us spend way more time than we would choose stuck in a little darkroom (or a little, dark room) developing negative images of "what we should be afraid of" with the goal of keeping ourselves safe. Again, I love this analogy because it so nicely describes what is actually going on in these little rooms. First, for those who have been following my "Life from the Top of the Mind" perspective, you know that the "little room" is actually the lower 20% of our brain. This limbic system/brainstem section is designed to interpret anything negative as threatening and flood our nervous system with the fight-or-flight hormones of adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol. This "flood" then produces feelings of stress, anxiety, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, etc., which then produce behaviors of fighting back (snapping at people), or withdrawal.
Again, if we are in a situation that calls for a flight-or-fight response, then this is exactly what should be happening. But, if we are dealing with traffic, meetings, difficult people, deadlines, demands on our time, or any of the other non-fight-or-flight stressors that crop up in our lives, then developing negative, fearful images in a little dark room will only make the problem worse. Why? Because this process of fearful, negative development produces images that lock the door, trapping us in this little room, and blocking our ability to access our higher-order thinking. In other words, it means blocking our access to the top of our mind where our interpersonal skills, problem solving skills, our clarity, confidence, and our creativity resides. Understandably, this has us becoming more frightened (stressed, worried, anxious, etc) and the room grows smaller and darker, and we feel panicky and trapped!
Therefore, I suggest we use that small room for its intended purpose: to quickly (without taking time to think) develop fight-or-flight images/responses in fight-or-flight situations. However, when a situation calls for our best thinking, I suggest we choose the large, light room (the upper 80% of our brain) where we can find the answers that we seek.
To do this, we must make a distinction between whether we want to develop fear or awareness. Fear sees a situation as dangerous and limits our options to fight-or-flight. Awareness sees a situation as good information, and begins to search the most intelligent, creative part of our brain (the "Top of the Mind") for options. It then weighs each option based on its potential for success, and makes a purposeful, informed choice about what to do.
If this sounds like what you are wanting more of in your life, I suggest that you decide where you want to go to find it... up or down. Up to the largest part of your brain (the upper 80%), or down to that little darkroom where negatives are developed.
The problem that I see is that people are trying to use fear to keep themselves safe when (a) the situation that they are fearful of doesn't pose a threat of physical harm, (b) it is a situation that requires that we actually think things through in order to be successful, and/or (c) the situation that they are fearful of isn't happening. In these cases, what we need is awareness, not fear (more on this later).
However, as this week's quote suggests, many of us spend way more time than we would choose stuck in a little darkroom (or a little, dark room) developing negative images of "what we should be afraid of" with the goal of keeping ourselves safe. Again, I love this analogy because it so nicely describes what is actually going on in these little rooms. First, for those who have been following my "Life from the Top of the Mind" perspective, you know that the "little room" is actually the lower 20% of our brain. This limbic system/brainstem section is designed to interpret anything negative as threatening and flood our nervous system with the fight-or-flight hormones of adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol. This "flood" then produces feelings of stress, anxiety, frustration, feeling overwhelmed, etc., which then produce behaviors of fighting back (snapping at people), or withdrawal.
Again, if we are in a situation that calls for a flight-or-fight response, then this is exactly what should be happening. But, if we are dealing with traffic, meetings, difficult people, deadlines, demands on our time, or any of the other non-fight-or-flight stressors that crop up in our lives, then developing negative, fearful images in a little dark room will only make the problem worse. Why? Because this process of fearful, negative development produces images that lock the door, trapping us in this little room, and blocking our ability to access our higher-order thinking. In other words, it means blocking our access to the top of our mind where our interpersonal skills, problem solving skills, our clarity, confidence, and our creativity resides. Understandably, this has us becoming more frightened (stressed, worried, anxious, etc) and the room grows smaller and darker, and we feel panicky and trapped!
Therefore, I suggest we use that small room for its intended purpose: to quickly (without taking time to think) develop fight-or-flight images/responses in fight-or-flight situations. However, when a situation calls for our best thinking, I suggest we choose the large, light room (the upper 80% of our brain) where we can find the answers that we seek.
To do this, we must make a distinction between whether we want to develop fear or awareness. Fear sees a situation as dangerous and limits our options to fight-or-flight. Awareness sees a situation as good information, and begins to search the most intelligent, creative part of our brain (the "Top of the Mind") for options. It then weighs each option based on its potential for success, and makes a purposeful, informed choice about what to do.
If this sounds like what you are wanting more of in your life, I suggest that you decide where you want to go to find it... up or down. Up to the largest part of your brain (the upper 80%), or down to that little darkroom where negatives are developed.
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill