Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Fear #3
"Hiding our fears with the hope that they will go away rarely works. Unlike most organic substance, fear doesn't decompose when it's buried."
While this character on the old show, "Ally McBeal," had her own little quirks, I found this quote on the advisability of hiding our fears most profound. She was giving advice to one of the other characters on the show who was trying to deal with his fears about himself and the state of his life by hiding them (and even hiding from them), and her advice was to face them instead. Of course, the tendency to hide our fears is very natural because they can be seen both by definition, and even by nature as frightening. This is especially the case with fears about ourselves, such as those around rejection, failure, and whether we are "enough" in the eyes of the world.
While the tendency to hide our fears is understandable, I'm going to suggest that this burying of negative energy may not serve us if our goal is to create a certain quality of life. In fact, I'm going to suggest that the act of hiding our fears actually empowers them versus making them disappear. Why? Because in order to "hide" something (especially if that "something" is a fear about ourselves and our worth) we must first have decided that this fear is valid and added to it another concern that if it were known, we would suffer in some way.
You see, the act of worrying about fear (and thus needing to hide it from ourselves and/or the world) is actually feeding the fear because both are created from the same energy. We are, in fact, "fearing the fear" and using this energy as a guide in deciding what to do. Further, even though we try to bury the thing we are afraid of deep within our subconscious, have you noticed that it rarely stays buried? In fact, it often surfaces in our tone of voice or the look in our eyes, which further damages our self-confidence and our relationships with others.
So, what can we do? Well, I suggest that we shift our focus from the problem to the solution. In other words, rather than worrying about our worries and hiding our fears in the Petri dish of our unconscious, I suggest that we speak to them as if they are interesting, but not particularly frightening. We could say something like: "How interesting, I noticed that a part of me is afraid that ________" We might then ask:
1. Is this situation one I can successfully deal with from a fight-or-flight perspective?
2. Is this fear congruent with the statement I want to make about who I am and who I am becoming?
3. Is this a fear I would want to recommend to my best friend and/or teach to my child?
Often just exposing the fear to the light of day will significantly diminish its power. Then, asking ourselves questions such these can help us make a more "purposeful" decision about what to do with the fear or concern. Do we run from it or become clear about its value and validity? Do we bury it or discard it as incongruent? Do we try to hide it (and thus hide from it) as if it were powerful, or do we make a clear statement about the energy we choose to guide our thoughts, decisions, and behaviors?
Given the wisdom in this week's quote, "fear doesn't decompose when buried," I suggest that the more we can keep our concerns above board and above ground, the more we can deal with them versus them dealing with us. Then, as we continue to make choices about the energy we want to use as a guide in our lives, we will no longer need to fear the graveyards of our subconscious. Instead, we can delight in our ability to live in the light of love and truth, and shine that light into all the dark places we find. In fact, maybe this is what it means to become "enlightened" :-)
While the tendency to hide our fears is understandable, I'm going to suggest that this burying of negative energy may not serve us if our goal is to create a certain quality of life. In fact, I'm going to suggest that the act of hiding our fears actually empowers them versus making them disappear. Why? Because in order to "hide" something (especially if that "something" is a fear about ourselves and our worth) we must first have decided that this fear is valid and added to it another concern that if it were known, we would suffer in some way.
You see, the act of worrying about fear (and thus needing to hide it from ourselves and/or the world) is actually feeding the fear because both are created from the same energy. We are, in fact, "fearing the fear" and using this energy as a guide in deciding what to do. Further, even though we try to bury the thing we are afraid of deep within our subconscious, have you noticed that it rarely stays buried? In fact, it often surfaces in our tone of voice or the look in our eyes, which further damages our self-confidence and our relationships with others.
So, what can we do? Well, I suggest that we shift our focus from the problem to the solution. In other words, rather than worrying about our worries and hiding our fears in the Petri dish of our unconscious, I suggest that we speak to them as if they are interesting, but not particularly frightening. We could say something like: "How interesting, I noticed that a part of me is afraid that ________" We might then ask:
1. Is this situation one I can successfully deal with from a fight-or-flight perspective?
2. Is this fear congruent with the statement I want to make about who I am and who I am becoming?
3. Is this a fear I would want to recommend to my best friend and/or teach to my child?
Often just exposing the fear to the light of day will significantly diminish its power. Then, asking ourselves questions such these can help us make a more "purposeful" decision about what to do with the fear or concern. Do we run from it or become clear about its value and validity? Do we bury it or discard it as incongruent? Do we try to hide it (and thus hide from it) as if it were powerful, or do we make a clear statement about the energy we choose to guide our thoughts, decisions, and behaviors?
Given the wisdom in this week's quote, "fear doesn't decompose when buried," I suggest that the more we can keep our concerns above board and above ground, the more we can deal with them versus them dealing with us. Then, as we continue to make choices about the energy we want to use as a guide in our lives, we will no longer need to fear the graveyards of our subconscious. Instead, we can delight in our ability to live in the light of love and truth, and shine that light into all the dark places we find. In fact, maybe this is what it means to become "enlightened" :-)
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill