Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Fear #4
"Every moment of our lives begins with one of two phrases: "I'm afraid that . . ." or "I would love to . . . ." Our choice of phrases determines our experience of life."
I like this statement because it helps me focus on the energy I want to trust as a guide in my life... love or fear. Further, it gives me a way to ensure that the energy I choose is indeed the precursor to my decisions. I have a strong conviction that our raised awareness around how these two phrases ("I'm afraid that . . ." or "I would love to . . . .") are influencing our lives can be valuable information. In fact, I'm going to suggest that if we were to look at many of the negative experiences from our past we could see that, at some point, the prefix "I'm afraid that" (or derivatives, such as, I have to, must, should, etc.) could have come before many of our decisions. Try it and see.
It's not hard to see how this fear-based perspective became the default choice. Most of us grew up believing that the way to be safe is to avoid danger and the way to succeed is to avoid failure. Further, we were taught that if we didn't do what we were told, or if we did the "wrong thing," something bad would happen, and, therefore, fear (worry, guilt, shame, etc.) became the energy behind many of our choices. However, in my work as a counselor, seminar leader, and organizational consultant, I have found that when we make decisions in our lives based upon fear, the result is rarely satisfying.
I have some thoughts about a different way to live and make choices. This is about using love as a guide (versus fear) to determine who we are, how we feel and what we do. Now, I know that some would say that this perspective sounds frivolous, that if people just went around only doing what they loved when they loved to do it, that nothing would get done. While I can't say I share their belief that "nothing would get done," I can agree that chances are some things (those things, for example, that people do because they are afraid they should, must, have to, need to), might initially not "get done." However, I also believe that as people became skilled at using love as a guide in their lives, they would also become skilled at infusing love into life's everyday activities. In other words they would become skilled at "getting things done" in love.
This reminds me of a story where a man walked up to three bricklayers who were working on a new church and asked them what they are doing. One man, clearly annoyed at what seemed like a stupid question, looked up and said "I'm laying bricks, what does it look like, you @#$%*&@#?." The second man, somewhat less annoyed, said, "I'm building a wall that will be part of a new church." The third man looked up, smiled, and said, "I'm building a house of God." Each of the men were "doing" the same thing, however the reason, or energy behind their work had them experiencing "getting things done" (in this case the laying of bricks) in markedly different ways.
What we are talking about, of course, is creating one's experience of life based upon the energy of love versus fear. Love of who you are, what you do, who you do it for, and who you do it with. If you see this perspective as congruent with the life you want to create, I would encourage you to look for opportunities to practice making choices from this more loving energy.
One of the ways to change any aspect of one's life is to notice where you are versus where you want to be. In other words, you can start noticing how many of the choices you make could begin with the phrase, "I'm afraid that . . ." (or I must, should, etc., which is really saying "If I don't, I'm afraid that something bad will happen") When you notice this, you can switch the phrase to "I would love to . . ." and see how this affects what you would choose to do and/or how you would choose to do it. As we become skilled at using the phrase, "I would love to" as a guide, we become more familiar with what a life based upon love looks like and feels like. Then, as we continue to practice living from this more purposeful prefix, this way of living becomes more familiar and even natural. Now that you know this, what would you "love" to do next?
It's not hard to see how this fear-based perspective became the default choice. Most of us grew up believing that the way to be safe is to avoid danger and the way to succeed is to avoid failure. Further, we were taught that if we didn't do what we were told, or if we did the "wrong thing," something bad would happen, and, therefore, fear (worry, guilt, shame, etc.) became the energy behind many of our choices. However, in my work as a counselor, seminar leader, and organizational consultant, I have found that when we make decisions in our lives based upon fear, the result is rarely satisfying.
I have some thoughts about a different way to live and make choices. This is about using love as a guide (versus fear) to determine who we are, how we feel and what we do. Now, I know that some would say that this perspective sounds frivolous, that if people just went around only doing what they loved when they loved to do it, that nothing would get done. While I can't say I share their belief that "nothing would get done," I can agree that chances are some things (those things, for example, that people do because they are afraid they should, must, have to, need to), might initially not "get done." However, I also believe that as people became skilled at using love as a guide in their lives, they would also become skilled at infusing love into life's everyday activities. In other words they would become skilled at "getting things done" in love.
This reminds me of a story where a man walked up to three bricklayers who were working on a new church and asked them what they are doing. One man, clearly annoyed at what seemed like a stupid question, looked up and said "I'm laying bricks, what does it look like, you @#$%*&@#?." The second man, somewhat less annoyed, said, "I'm building a wall that will be part of a new church." The third man looked up, smiled, and said, "I'm building a house of God." Each of the men were "doing" the same thing, however the reason, or energy behind their work had them experiencing "getting things done" (in this case the laying of bricks) in markedly different ways.
What we are talking about, of course, is creating one's experience of life based upon the energy of love versus fear. Love of who you are, what you do, who you do it for, and who you do it with. If you see this perspective as congruent with the life you want to create, I would encourage you to look for opportunities to practice making choices from this more loving energy.
One of the ways to change any aspect of one's life is to notice where you are versus where you want to be. In other words, you can start noticing how many of the choices you make could begin with the phrase, "I'm afraid that . . ." (or I must, should, etc., which is really saying "If I don't, I'm afraid that something bad will happen") When you notice this, you can switch the phrase to "I would love to . . ." and see how this affects what you would choose to do and/or how you would choose to do it. As we become skilled at using the phrase, "I would love to" as a guide, we become more familiar with what a life based upon love looks like and feels like. Then, as we continue to practice living from this more purposeful prefix, this way of living becomes more familiar and even natural. Now that you know this, what would you "love" to do next?
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill