Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Friction
"Why waste our life in friction when the same effort can be turned into momentum?"
I have chosen this quote for inclusion in our weekly examination of life because it allows us to become aware of areas where we may be wasting our energy in friction, versus using that effort to create momentum or positive movement toward accomplishing our goals and creating the life we want. This friction is most evident in our relations with others where conflict, disagreements, and arguments can create "heated exchanges" that leave us feeling frustrated, hot under the collar, and exhausted. Of course, while friction in our relationships is the most obvious, it isn't the only source of conflict. For some of us, this struggle is internal, meaning that we seem to always be at war with ourselves, and thus spend our life energy criticizing and/or second guessing our thoughts, emotions, and behaviors.
Regardless of whether this friction is generated internally or externally, however, the result is the same: our life energy is consumed by wasted energy. For those of you who are aware of my "Top of the Mind" philosophy, you know that these feelings are actually chemical changes in our body that are triggered by the lower 20% of the brain. Further, you know that when we are consumed by this friction and stuck in this lower 20% (the brainstem), we don't have access to the clear, confident, creative upper 80% of the brain.
What we may not know, however, is why we keep producing this friction? Or put another way, if arguing with others is so problematic, what drives us to invest so much energy in these conflicts and disagreements? Well, for many, this tendency is driven by a need for approval or fear of rejection that has its roots in our past. In other words, many have learned that in order to hold on to what we think as valid, we need for others to agree with us, and if they don't, we must try to convince them. Of course, as we all know, when someone is being argued with or "convinced" they tend to argue back and defend the very position we want them to change, which results in . . . friction.
Unfortunately, as mentioned, this friction not only feels bad, it robs us of valuable energy that we need to be successful in other aspects of our lives. Therefore, I suggest that we become more aware of how we are using our energy and make more purposeful choices when we find ourselves creating unnecessary friction. One way to do this is use a step from my "Top of the Mind" system for success that I call "The Wisdom of Serenity." This step comes from a new take on the Serenity Prayer, and looks at the prayer not as a plea for serenity, but as a formula for success.
In other words, because serenity is asked for first in the prayer, it is recognized as a precursor to acceptance, courage, wisdom, and change. Plus, given that I encourage those I work with to ask very purposeful, neocortex questions so that they can come from the upper 80% of the brain as much as possible, there are two such questions associated with this step that I believe can help us in turning friction into momentum. They are:
1. What about this situation will it take serenity to accept?
and...
2. What about this situation will it take courage to change?
With respect to our friction with others, it will certainly take serenity to accept that they clearly have a different perspective than we do, and that our attempt to persuade them to see our point of view only seems to make them more defensive. It will then take courage to shift from our old habits of generating internal or external friction to a focus on creating momentum.
Bottom line: our life energy is both precious and limited - If we spend it on the heat and friction of conflict, we will have little left to move our lives in the direction we want. It's like a sled moving down a slalom course. . . each rub or bump up against the side slows us down, while each time we avoid this friction and allow the natural momentum of the mountain to move us along, we gain speed, and glide smoothly through the twists and turns of life. Here's to a future of gliding through life gathering momentum as we go versus bumping up against ourselves or others.
Regardless of whether this friction is generated internally or externally, however, the result is the same: our life energy is consumed by wasted energy. For those of you who are aware of my "Top of the Mind" philosophy, you know that these feelings are actually chemical changes in our body that are triggered by the lower 20% of the brain. Further, you know that when we are consumed by this friction and stuck in this lower 20% (the brainstem), we don't have access to the clear, confident, creative upper 80% of the brain.
What we may not know, however, is why we keep producing this friction? Or put another way, if arguing with others is so problematic, what drives us to invest so much energy in these conflicts and disagreements? Well, for many, this tendency is driven by a need for approval or fear of rejection that has its roots in our past. In other words, many have learned that in order to hold on to what we think as valid, we need for others to agree with us, and if they don't, we must try to convince them. Of course, as we all know, when someone is being argued with or "convinced" they tend to argue back and defend the very position we want them to change, which results in . . . friction.
Unfortunately, as mentioned, this friction not only feels bad, it robs us of valuable energy that we need to be successful in other aspects of our lives. Therefore, I suggest that we become more aware of how we are using our energy and make more purposeful choices when we find ourselves creating unnecessary friction. One way to do this is use a step from my "Top of the Mind" system for success that I call "The Wisdom of Serenity." This step comes from a new take on the Serenity Prayer, and looks at the prayer not as a plea for serenity, but as a formula for success.
In other words, because serenity is asked for first in the prayer, it is recognized as a precursor to acceptance, courage, wisdom, and change. Plus, given that I encourage those I work with to ask very purposeful, neocortex questions so that they can come from the upper 80% of the brain as much as possible, there are two such questions associated with this step that I believe can help us in turning friction into momentum. They are:
1. What about this situation will it take serenity to accept?
and...
2. What about this situation will it take courage to change?
With respect to our friction with others, it will certainly take serenity to accept that they clearly have a different perspective than we do, and that our attempt to persuade them to see our point of view only seems to make them more defensive. It will then take courage to shift from our old habits of generating internal or external friction to a focus on creating momentum.
Bottom line: our life energy is both precious and limited - If we spend it on the heat and friction of conflict, we will have little left to move our lives in the direction we want. It's like a sled moving down a slalom course. . . each rub or bump up against the side slows us down, while each time we avoid this friction and allow the natural momentum of the mountain to move us along, we gain speed, and glide smoothly through the twists and turns of life. Here's to a future of gliding through life gathering momentum as we go versus bumping up against ourselves or others.
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill