Quotes and Wisdom
from the Top of the Mind™
from the Top of the Mind™
Giving
"The act of giving is simply a behavior, and the gift merely a symbol ? it is the energy behind both that will determine their impact on our lives, and the lives of others."
For those of you who have been a part of this service for a while, you know that around the holidays I try to find or create a quote that speaks to the concept of giving. In the past, I have used quotes from others, however, this year, this thought about the meaning behind the behavior of giving and the gift came to mind.
I have chosen to focus on this aspect of the process because I believe that becoming more aware of what we are doing and why is an important factor in our ability to create the life we want. Plus, there seems to be a tendency to become caught up in the behavior of finding the "right gift," and the expected result (appreciation of all the money, effort, worry, and rumination that went into getting the "right gift") in such a way that the experience of giving becomes so problematic that we feel relief when it is over.
I'm going to suggest that if we so desire, we can influence this process so that at least for us, the experience of giving at this time of year (or any similar occasion) becomes more congruent with the celebratory nature of the event. I say "for us" because I believe that first we must decide who is responsible for our joy and happiness during these times. For example, if we allow our experience of giving to be influenced by the traffic, the attitude of clerks, our ability to buy/find the "perfect gift", or the reaction of those to whom we are giving, etc., then we are very likely to find ourselves experiencing this time of year as problematic. This is because anytime we give other situations and people the power to "make us feel a certain way," or define our experience of life, we will be disappointed. I believe that this is as it should be, because it gives us really good information about whether we want to continue to allow external events to define who we are, and how we experience life.
If you have decided that you are no longer willing to give this power away, then this time of year can give us a wonderful opportunity to practice! As with any experience, "giving" (and receiving) can become an opportunity to decide who we want to be in response to the situation and, thus, it can become an opportunity to practice taking responsibility for our ability to respond. We can decide the qualities and characteristics we want to bring to shopping, wrapping, giving, and receiving, so that our experience is a reflection of who we truly are, versus what is going "right" or "wrong" around us.
By the same token, we can honor other's "ability to respond" by giving them the right to choose how they want to respond to our gifts. Rather than needing them to respond with what we would define as "appropriate appreciation," we can know that our intent, or the energy behind our gifts is what defines the experience for us, and celebrate our choice while allowing them theirs.
All of this reminds me of a story of a small boy who wanted to give a very special gift to a very special person. He had no money with which to go out and buy a gift, however, and so he decided to give of himself in the best way he knew how. As it happened, he had a talent for music, and he so loved the process of making music that he practiced and played whenever he could. This constant practice allowed him to become very accomplished with his instrument, and he felt great pride and joy when he was able to share his talent with others. Thus, when it came time to give his very special gift to this very special person, he knew just what to do.
Now, there are some who might have looked at this gift and doubted its value, for after all, it cost next to nothing and he didn't have to spend a lot of time and worry picking it out. He didn't have to fight the crowds, or run up his credit card, or spend days roaming the malls looking for it. In fact it was even hard for many to identify the song that he was playing. Regardless of what others might have thought, however, he knew that his gift was the best of who he was. He knew that the energy and intent behind the gift was love and, thus, was the most precious thing he could give.
Maybe we could learn from this story and bring this energy of love to the gifts we bring. Maybe we, too, could have our behavior and our "gifts" be a reflection of the best of who we are. For, in doing so, we define who we are and who we are becoming, just like the little boy in the story. Oh, yes... the story was of a little drummer boy, and the song was "pa rump pa pum pum" Happy Holidays!
I have chosen to focus on this aspect of the process because I believe that becoming more aware of what we are doing and why is an important factor in our ability to create the life we want. Plus, there seems to be a tendency to become caught up in the behavior of finding the "right gift," and the expected result (appreciation of all the money, effort, worry, and rumination that went into getting the "right gift") in such a way that the experience of giving becomes so problematic that we feel relief when it is over.
I'm going to suggest that if we so desire, we can influence this process so that at least for us, the experience of giving at this time of year (or any similar occasion) becomes more congruent with the celebratory nature of the event. I say "for us" because I believe that first we must decide who is responsible for our joy and happiness during these times. For example, if we allow our experience of giving to be influenced by the traffic, the attitude of clerks, our ability to buy/find the "perfect gift", or the reaction of those to whom we are giving, etc., then we are very likely to find ourselves experiencing this time of year as problematic. This is because anytime we give other situations and people the power to "make us feel a certain way," or define our experience of life, we will be disappointed. I believe that this is as it should be, because it gives us really good information about whether we want to continue to allow external events to define who we are, and how we experience life.
If you have decided that you are no longer willing to give this power away, then this time of year can give us a wonderful opportunity to practice! As with any experience, "giving" (and receiving) can become an opportunity to decide who we want to be in response to the situation and, thus, it can become an opportunity to practice taking responsibility for our ability to respond. We can decide the qualities and characteristics we want to bring to shopping, wrapping, giving, and receiving, so that our experience is a reflection of who we truly are, versus what is going "right" or "wrong" around us.
By the same token, we can honor other's "ability to respond" by giving them the right to choose how they want to respond to our gifts. Rather than needing them to respond with what we would define as "appropriate appreciation," we can know that our intent, or the energy behind our gifts is what defines the experience for us, and celebrate our choice while allowing them theirs.
All of this reminds me of a story of a small boy who wanted to give a very special gift to a very special person. He had no money with which to go out and buy a gift, however, and so he decided to give of himself in the best way he knew how. As it happened, he had a talent for music, and he so loved the process of making music that he practiced and played whenever he could. This constant practice allowed him to become very accomplished with his instrument, and he felt great pride and joy when he was able to share his talent with others. Thus, when it came time to give his very special gift to this very special person, he knew just what to do.
Now, there are some who might have looked at this gift and doubted its value, for after all, it cost next to nothing and he didn't have to spend a lot of time and worry picking it out. He didn't have to fight the crowds, or run up his credit card, or spend days roaming the malls looking for it. In fact it was even hard for many to identify the song that he was playing. Regardless of what others might have thought, however, he knew that his gift was the best of who he was. He knew that the energy and intent behind the gift was love and, thus, was the most precious thing he could give.
Maybe we could learn from this story and bring this energy of love to the gifts we bring. Maybe we, too, could have our behavior and our "gifts" be a reflection of the best of who we are. For, in doing so, we define who we are and who we are becoming, just like the little boy in the story. Oh, yes... the story was of a little drummer boy, and the song was "pa rump pa pum pum" Happy Holidays!
Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill