"You cannot make a bad deal with a good person, or a good deal with a bad person."

- Harry Beckwith

I ran across this simple bit of wisdom recently and have chosen it for this week's selection because of how it helps us evaluate the agreements or "deals" we make, and how these interactions affect our lives. More specifically, what I like about this week's quote is how it shifts the process of evaluation from the end result (who won and who lost) to what the deal or agreement says about me, and/or how does the quality of my agreements effect my quality of life?

For example, the experience to which almost everyone can relate is that when we try to make a "good deal" with a "bad person," the result is rarely successful. I say "all can relate" because I'm sure most of us at one time or another can recall an experience where we were attempting to work with someone of questionable behavior, ethics, morals, etc., and how the negative experience and subsequent bad taste left by the interaction was rarely worth the pain or the gain, even if we eventually got what we wanted.

If we have determined that the quality of our present moments are what combine to determine the quality of our lives, then we might want to become very purposeful in choosing those with whom we interact and do business. Otherwise, we might find ourselves creating a life of bad interactions punctuated by sporadic "victories," which means that in the end, chances are we will feel anything but victorious.

Of course, while I am implying here that almost all deals made with bad people are bad (negative experiences, etc.) this doesn't mean that all agreements with good people are "good." This is because "agreements" or "deals" are simply decisions made at a certain time based upon the information at hand. It is very possible, therefore, that new or better information will arise after a deal has been made which might suggest that the agreement needs to be changed.

In other words, the good thing about making deals with good people is that both parties have an inherent desire to have the deal work for all. In fact, to a "good person" (a person who wants the best for themselves and others) this is often just as important as the amount of money or other more tangible gain that the interaction produces. This means that if two quality people discover that they have inadvertently made an agreement that isn't working for either party, then there would quite naturally be a desire to alter the agreement so that it works for all. This is an example of the proverbial "win/win" concept, and is based upon the awareness that when one person loses, everyone loses, or put another way, win/lose or lose/win always equals lose/lose.

Now, some would say well, that is certainly the case between people who know each other or who are creating some sort of long-term relationship, but what if you will never see that person again? Isn't it okay to get the best deal you can, regardless of whether it works for the other person in circumstances such as these? Well, this really depends on how we want to define ourselves. If we agree with the philosophy that says, "every thought, emotion, and action is a statement about who we are and who we are becoming" (Neale Donald Walsch), then the real question is what do we want our agreements to say about us? That we are someone who gets what they want regardless of the impact on others, or that we are the type of person who always tries to create quality interactions and agreements that benefit all concerned? Which sort of person would you want to partner with? What would you like written as an epitaph? What would you like to teach to your children?

I believe that if defining ourselves "on purpose," or being a person of quality is important to us, then our interactions with others and the agreements or "deals" we make as a result become a way to influence this self-definition. Then, as we seek to create win/win "deals" with everyone we encounter, we not only become a person we can be proud of, we become the "good person" with whom others want to work and make agreements. The bottom line is who we are is reflected in all we do, and all we do defines who we are and what is gained or lost in the process. Therefore, here's to a life of quality agreements with people of quality, and all the "wealth" such an existence will bring.

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill