"You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete."

- R. Buckminster Fuller

Have you noticed how "dealing with change" is a major topic for many people today? People seem to be either fighting change, or trying to change those around them (or both), frequently with little success. I love this quote because it speaks to the act of "dealing with change" from a different perspective. Rather than "fighting the existing reality," Mr. Fuller suggests that we instead create a solution or "a new model" that is so compelling that it will be seen as clearly superior and, thus, all involved will participate in the process of change with more enthusiasm and less resistance.

This is obvious when applied to business, and the concept of innovation. While there will always be a small minority that resists change in any form, most of us welcome new products or new ways of accomplishing tasks if we can clearly see the value of this new method or technology. I suggest that the more interesting concept embedded in this quote, however, is how we might apply Mr. Fuller's ideas to changing ourselves and our relationships with others. For example, have you ever noticed how trying to get someone to change by pointing out how they are "wrong" doesn't work? What will almost certainly happen is that they will feel attacked and, thus, defend their position, actions, choices, etc. This "fighting the existing reality" not only doesn't produce change, it actually has others becoming more entrenched in their position, and ensures that nothing will change.

The same is true with respect to changing ourselves. If we try to alter some aspect of our lives because we are afraid that "there is something wrong with us," then the energy driving our desire to change is fear. While this may produce a temporary change in certain behavior (i.e., we might stop using drugs or alcohol), we will have reinforced using fear as a source of guidance and/or wisdom in our lives, and ensured that whenever we want to change in the future, we must once again become "frightened" of the problem.

What if instead of pointing out the problems in ourselves and/or others, we "build a new model that makes the old model obsolete"? In other words, what if we focus our energy on what we want, or the solution versus the problem? In dealing with others, we might spend some time getting to know the goals, desires, and dreams of those around us. We then will be in a better position to frame our suggestions for change in a way that supports these goals or dreams, and, thus, will be seen as supportive versus critical. I think it's easy to see how others might hear our suggestions in a more positive light if they see us as supportive of who they are and what they want.

This could also be applied to ourselves as we attempt to change some aspect of our lives that isn't producing the result we want. Rather than using the pain of the problem as a motivation to change, we can spend some time becoming clear about a "new model" of life that "makes the existing model obsolete." We could become clear about our goals, dreams, and desires, especially in terms of who we want to be or the characteristics we want to bring to all the different aspects of our life, and then look to our experiences as opportunities to practice these qualities and characteristics. Chances are that practicing this "new model" will produce better results than "fighting the existing reality," and we will have mastered a process that will serve us well for quite a while, or as long as dealing with change is part of dealing with life.

Take care and God bless, Dr. Bill