Bill Crawford, Ph.D. | Keynote Speaker, Psychologist, Author, Consultant

Ever since I first read "Illusions" from Richard Bach, I have admired this quote for its multilevel meaning and wisdom. The first part of the statement speaks to the idea that we can live our lives "never to be ashamed if anything we do or say is published around the world," meaning that we live (or make choices about who we are and how we respond to life) in such a way that we are an example of the principles we believe in and recommend to others. Gandhi said something similar in his quote: "Be the change you want to see in the world."

I have found this helpful in my life because I know that if you put yourself in the position of helping others by offering suggestions and advice, people will first want to know if you are practicing what you preach. I understand that in order to be willing to take what I have to say seriously, people must first see that I am at least trying to live by the principles I espouse. And, at times, it is this awareness that I am being "watched," so to speak, that has allowed me to pause and choose a response, versus just react in some less than purposeful way.

This doesn't mean, of course, that we have to be perfect. The truth is that we are all human beings and, thus, will make mistakes now and then. The good news, however, is that even when we make mistakes, we have an opportunity to model "how to handle one's mistakes" and, thus, the sentiment of the first part of the quote by Richard Bach still applies.

Of course, one doesn't have to be a helping professional to choose this "live by example" way of life. Whether it is our children, our grandchildren, nieces, nephews, employees, friends, etc., it is very likely that all of us have someone watching us to see if what we say we believe is really what we practice. Therefore, we can take the first part of the quote to heart by imagining that whatever we are doing or saying is "being published around the world" and, thus, make choices based upon what we truly believe, and how we want to see ourselves represented.

While, as I have mentioned, I find the first part of this week's quote valuable in many ways, I find the second (more subtle) half even more valuable. On the surface, one might think that this sentiment "even if what is published is not true" is a contradiction, because if what I do and what I believe is being misrepresented, then there is the potential that people will make negative judgments about who I am and what I stand for. What I love about this second part of the quote, however, is the implication that we can choose to live in a way that is congruent with our beliefs, regardless of whether this vision is accurately represented to others, and regardless of whether others approve. In other words, our decision to define ourselves "on purpose," and attempt to live by this purposeful self-definition is not contingent on the understanding or the approval of others.

Now, this doesn't mean that we "shouldn't care" when "who we are" is being misrepresented. It just means that in our lives there will surely be times when others will misunderstand, or misinterpret what we say, feel, think, and believe. Further, in many of these instances, we will not have the opportunity to "set the record straight" by correcting these misunderstandings. It is during these times that I believe our willingness to continue to live/embody the principles we espouse (or define ourselves "On Purpose") will become most important.

This reminds me of a story I heard about a priest and his service to the village in which he lived. This was a small and relatively poor village, so the priest had to double as the teacher to all of the children of the village, from the youngest to the teenagers. Now, as it happened, one of the teenage girls of the village became pregnant, and when her parents demanded who was responsible, she told them that it was the priest. The parents, understandably outraged, went to the priest and said, "How could you do this to us and this young girl? We trusted you with our most precious possession, the purity of our children, and you have violated that trust. Well, you are the cause of this pregnancy and, thus, you will be forced to raise the child and no longer will we trust you with the education of our children!" And the priest simply responded, "So be it."

Later, after the child was born and was given to the priest to raise, the young girl confessed to her parents that it was really her boyfriend, not the priest who was the father of the child. The parents, now mortified, went to the priest and said, "How can you forgive us? We mistakenly accused you of a horrible act and as it turns out, you were never to blame. Would you please resume your honored place as the teacher of our children?" And the priest simply said, "So be it."

I have been told that the word "Amen" which follows so many of the world's sacred texts and ends so many of our prayers, can be roughly translated to mean "So be it." Maybe this is the wisdom that we can draw from both components of this week's quote. If we can "be" or put in to practice the beliefs that we hold dear, as if our "being" or example is to be published around the world, then we are likely to be more purposeful about who we are and what we do. And, "even if what is published is not true," we can still be who we are, knowing that our self-definition is not dependent on any external approval. Want to live a more meaningful life free of the judgment and approval of others? If so, be it!