Bill Crawford, Ph.D. | Keynote Speaker, Psychologist, Author, Consultant

This is the first in what may turn into a series of quotes from the children's book called "Perloo the Bold" from an author who simply goes by the name of "Avi." An excellent example of the "out of the mouths of babes" perspective, this wonderful bit of wisdom was given to me by my sons (Christopher, 12, and Nicholas, 8) on a recent car trip. As I heard them read from a series of quotes in the back of the book (attributed to one of the main characters, Mogwat the Magpie), I was struck by their profound nature, and decided to bring some of these wonderful bits of wisdom to our weekly discussion of life.

What this particular quote has to offer is a wonderful perspective on our tendency to make those with whom we disagree our "enemy," and thus find ourselves hating who they are and what they stand for. This is certainly easy to see on a global level in the way some of us use descriptors that are designed to engender "hate" to characterize others around the world. What is fascinating is that they are generally characterizing us in the same negative light, however we routinely dismiss their descriptions as "wrong" while holding to the belief that ours must be "right." Why? Because we can see that their accusations of us are clearly based upon a lack of knowledge... and yet do we then hold our own conclusions to the same standard?

Regardless, rather than get into a debate about "who's right," however, I would instead like to ask a much more practical question... i.e., how is this working for us as a planet, a nation, a people, a state, a city, a neighborhood, a family, and especially as individuals? In other words, what effect is this tendency to hate our enemies having on our lives, and is this an effect we would like to continue to experience and teach to our children?

Of course, if you have been following my quotes and comments, you know that when we "hate" anything or anyone, we are actually engaging a very specific part of our brain (the brainstem) and producing very specific chemicals in our body (adrenaline, noradrenaline, and cortisol). As we have discussed, this aspect of our brain and these chemicals are exactly what we need when we are in a fight-or-flight situation, and therefore if what we have decided to "hate" is currently attacking us in some way, then maybe this is exactly the reaction that is called for.

But how often is this really the case? In other words, how often is who or what we have decided to "hate" attacking us in the moment? Or maybe an even better question is, "When did we decide to hate this person or thing in the first place?" Was it actually a decision we made or did we just find ourselves reacting with this negative emotion without ever having decided that hate was the best way to deal with the situation?

This to me is the crux of the situation, because if we are "hating" when we really want to be thinking, planning, using our interpersonal skills, creativity, problem-solving skills, etc., then this tendency to embrace hate as a way to keep ourselves safe may be something we should reconsider.

Mogwat the Magpie obviously thinks there might be a better solution. In fact, based upon this quote, he seems to feel that the first thing we might want to consider before we take on the task of hating is whether we really know what we are doing and why? Do we really have all the information? Are we justifying our hate by demonizing them the same way they are justifying their hate by only seeing the worst in us?

Of course, there are people on the planet in which the more you learn about them, the more you know them to be frightened, reactive, and insecure, and thus potentially cruel and even dangerous beings. These are not people that one would want to trust or even count on to "do the right thing." However, even if this is the case, do we really want to make them so important in our lives that we are willing to hate them? Do we really want to give them the power to throw us into a reactive and limited (fight or flight) response pattern, and fill our body with stress-related chemicals?

Mogwat the Magpie and I think not. We suggest that our peace of mind (and thus the ability to access our higher-order thinking) is a higher-order goal, and thus maybe we should make sure we know everything there is to know about a person or a group of people before we choose to call them our "enemy," and choose to use "hate" as the best way to address the situation.

After all, don't we think that if they really knew who we are, they wouldn't "hate" us? If so, then the question becomes, should we apply the same standard to our view of "them"? Out of the mouths of babes.....